I'm Back, Baby!

Wow!  It's been awhile.  I'm gonna try to remember how to do this blog thing.    So, I last left you with Lidia?  Well, I promise to fulfill my public tv promise; home improvement and politics are coming up.  More celebrity letters for sure.  Those people are in need constant reminders.  I might even come up with something new.  Oh, and my beer club emails need somewhere to live on other than my "sent" folder.  You guys might like them.  They are a compilation of news stories introduced by my humorous commentary.  That's what this site is about, right?

Two years older, two years wiser?  Let's just see about that. 

i love public tv - part one: cooking shows

Yeah, I'm one of those people that refuses to purchase cable. Not because I hate TV but because I LUUUURVE it. If I had cable I'd stay awake until the wee hours of the day watching all the shit shows that are aired. Don't get me wrong, I can do that with network television too, it just gets pathetic, much, much more quickly. That being said, one thing that makes me a proud digital converter box owner is all the wonderful programs that are aired on Wisconsin Public Television. These days they offer THREE different channels of public tv. I know, almost more than a nerd like me can handle.

Lidia's Italy
What's better than Italian comfort food? When a brilliant, manly looking Italian grandma is doing the cooking for you. On Lidia's Italy our hearty friend prepares amazingly caloric, carb-filled, creme topped deliciousness. Oh, and always pairs it with a bottle of Italian wine. From appetizer to dessert Lidia covers it all. She uses the freshest, local ingredients from her native Italy... makes her own gnocchi and pasta... soups from scratch... and did I mention she makes sure to pair everything with wine? She's Italian, duh. I only shudder slightly when I see her man hands all over the food and her strong jaw chewing vigorously... but the food she finally plates is delicate and rich and so very amazing looking. I would subject myself to watching her man hands tear apart food all day if it meant I could be a food taster on her show.

BBQ U. and Primal Grill
My very favorite method of cooking is to grill. In the summer, I will make every part of a meal on the grill. Meat. Veggies. Starches. The works. So, it makes sense that my favorite cooking show is all about the grill. Steven Raichlen hosts TWO on public tv... BBQ U and Primal Grill. I was first hooked on Steve's style of grilling with a pretentious twist on BBQ U. There we learn all about prepping the grill (coals, clean, lubricate), the method of indirect grilling, and the joys of smoking our grillables. From there we can apply all the skills we learn to the next show, Primal Grill. There I've watched everything from bacon wrapped elk tenderloin to pear and berry cobbler. I think one of the coolest things about his show is he is seeing all the awesome grills he gets to use. From propane to charcoal to soaked wood chips, the equipment is half the beauty.

America's Test Kitchen
Ever wondered the best way to make to make shredded barbecued pork? How about the traditional potato salad? Did you know if you mix the mayo mixture on the taters when they're still hot they will absorb the moisture and you'll have yourself dry potato salad? I learned that on another one of my favorite WPT shows, America's Test Kitchen. On this program Chris Kimball and his crew teach you the most flavorful recipes for your favorite foods. They test dozens of different ingredients, cuts of meat, methods of cooking, and types of equipment to find the best of the best for US. They even do taste tests - from mustard to coffee to chocolate to potato chips - and poll their live audience and share their opinion, because Chris' refined palate isn't always the most popular. Finally, they test cooking equipment to find the best tool for the job at the best value. This program offers more knowledge about food and cooking than any one I've ever watched before. They explain things in a straightforward, logical way and things always come out looking beautiful... well, on the show anyway. They also aired a new program recently called Cook's Country where they really focus on comfort foods. Imagine how beautiful that looks... and tastes. Mmmmm...calories.

These are just a few of the programs that make public tv amazing. In upcoming posts read about how I get handy with Kevin, Roger, Richard, and Tom. Well, I don't get handy, but some great folks get to fix and build stuff. In yet another post I bring my brother in to talk about news on public TV... yeah, like, from DC and even Great Britain. You're not even going to believe it.

kitty chronicals - the end

Due to an unfortunate misunderstanding the kitties and I had to prematurely part ways. Though I was sad at first, I soon realized how relieved I was to give them up. In just the first four days they were finding SO MUCH to get into. I also had to start guarding my apartment door each time I came in or went out. Gucci and Burke were becoming quite the escape artists. Then there was the one day I came home during lunch and one of the kittens ventured into the garbage can... I knew this NOT because she was still there when I got home, but rather she had clawed up the the bag up to climb out. I can only imagine how much trouble they would have found with another month with me.

If anyone is interested in adopting these adorable little bundles I noticed one of them on the Fox Valley Humane Association website. For now, enjoy the rest of my photos of them.

We had a really great snuggle fest the last night they stayed with me. I'm gonna miss that the most.

the kitten chronicles - part one: meet the kittens

Recently I agreed to begin foster care for cats from the Fox Valley Humane Association (FVHA). I have been volunteering with the organization since last spring. About once a month I go in to help clean out cat cages... yes, scooping poop from litter boxes and replacing dirty bedding and anything else the kitties ask of me. Glamorous, huh?

Well, my responsibilities skyrocketed about a week ago when I applied to be a kitty cat foster mom. This program sounded perfect or me... all I want is to love me some kitties without having to pay the bills and these kitties are in some serious need of love. This was a story problem even I could figure out. Here's where things get exciting... I have never had a pet while living on my own - plants were the only thing I figured I could be held responsible for on a 24/7 basis. The way I figure, the cat gods were looking down on me and wanted a good laugh for the next two months... because the foster family I got was a litter of FIVE, 10 week old kittens.

I was SOOOOOOO excited. I even announced my excitement at a meeting the day I was going to pick the kittens up. I saw some of my co-workers shaking their heads, while others had sly grins. "What could they be thinking?", I wondered to myself. Now I know what they were thinking... "What a sweet, stupid girl. She has no idea what she's getting into." They were right, I just dove into the deep end of the kitty-care pool.

I picked up my kittens and all their supplies (FVHA gives you all the food, litter, toys, litter boxes, and dishes you need) and we headed to my apartment for our first night at home together. Pop quiz: what is a kitten's favorite thing to get into?? EVERYTHING! These little creatures are so curious that a fold in a blanket can keep them occupied for a good five minutes. Yeah, five minutes is about as long as their attention spans last. They helped me find all the stuff in my apartment that should be put away. The first 40 minutes was spent following them around and taking stuff away that they shouldn't have been playing with. That's when it occurred to me... I was now responsible for five kitty cat infants. They don't know that chewing on that electrical cable will kill them... luckily they DO know what a litter box is and what it is for. Which reminds me... kitten poo might be the worst smelling poo in the entire world.

So, allow me to introduce my new posse. After about three days with them I feel like I have their personalities pretty much figured out, but they are still surprising me everyday.

Dooney: He's the one boy in the litter of five. He's a pig and a bully. He can be a sweet little lover when the rest of the girls aren't around, but likes to keep the ladies in line. Also, he likes to have the prime spot when we're sleeping... on my throat and in my face. He also likes to climb my back and perch on my shoulder. Basically, the alpha of the group. He's recently started pushing the girls around. Some of them will fight back... some just cry. I hate to see what goes on when I'm not here.

Burke: She's a sweet, stupid little runt. She and Dooney have the same markings. Sometimes I think Dooney cuts her a little extra slack and in return she is his little lackey. The two of them together bully the others out of the food bowl. She is the only one that can eat with Dooney without him growling or smacking her. She also refuses to defend herself when Dooney starts beating her up. Sigh. I save her every time. I don't want to get too down on Burke. She has been the first kitten to come and find me in the morning when they aren't sleeping with me. She loves to perch on me and cuddle. She so sweet and playful. She'll make someone a very satisfied cat owner. Jen... are you reading this?

Vuitton: She is a fluffy, soft little princess. She likes to explore and snuggle. Really a well balanced kitten. She knows her boundaries and loves her siblings. One thing I love about her... she totally instigates battles with Dooney. She usually gets beat up pretty quickly, but I'm proud of her for trying and showing Dooney she's not afraid. She also loves (loves, loves) playing with toys, paper bags, her sisters' tails, and anything else that moves, makes noise or can be chewed on.

Gucci (pictured top with Burke): Where do I begin? She's my little trouble maker and I love her for it. She is the first to get into just about everything. She's the only one that has (lately) been making a break for my open apartment door. When she hears the outside door open and close she perks up and watches the door to see if it is going to open. My little adventurer. She was also the first one to realize that she could climb my legs if she wants my attention. She also gets the spray bottle the most. She pushes my buttons and usually knows exactly how to get me. So far the spray bottle is working... thanks for the suggestion, Siddarth.

Prada: My baby. My favorite. I know, how can I pick one favorite? Prada is just such a sweet, quiet little kitten that loves to cuddle. She is happy to watch the others play and join in if there is an opening. She waits her turn and sometimes I think understands what "No" means. She is also my first one to be sick. I have to give her medicine... which neither of us likes. But I have to baby her a little extra and I'm always keeping an extra eye on her. I snuggle her harder and sometimes make the others go away while we have our quality time. Do you think the others notice?

This is truly an experience that is changing my habits. [As one friend pointed out, I'm not just visiting crazy cat lady land... I've instantly become a full time resident.] When I am out with friends my mind is on the kittens. I hope they aren't tearing apart my place, hurting each other or getting sick. They have behaved very well when I leave them alone (so far) and I'm keeping my fingers crossed (hard) that they stay well behaved. In the next two months I am sure I will learn a lot more about each of them and about taking care of little creatures in general. I will be sure to keep everyone abreast of our adventures in growing-up together.

slut-o-ween

Yeah, I bet you have guessed this is the part where I rant about the dumb bitches that use Halloween as an excuse to dress like complete whores. I mean, there were SO many chicks last night that were essentially wearing their unmentionables like it was totally acceptable. Call me old fashioned, or crotchety, but don't ever call me if you are wearing one of these get ups. What ever happened to scary costumes? You know, how Halloween used to be a holiday about ghosts and zombies and scaring people. Last night the only thing that scared me is "Naughty Nurse" or "Scantily Clad Bumblebee" having something pop out and hit me in the face.

The young ladies choosing to dress this way aren't the only ones to blame. Our over sexed society has made these costumes totally acceptable. The temporary Halloween stores have aisles and aisles of costumes for women that are nothing more than over priced underwear. And when I say overpriced I mean o-v-e-r priced. But that's a rant for another time.

I'm not saying that having a sexy costume is unacceptable for Halloween, but if the thing you are being isn't sexy in real life then why should it become sexy just for Halloween? I mean if you want to dress as Lady Gaga she's dripping with sex appeal so you have yourself a sexy costume. If you are creative enough to come up with a costume character that let's your boobs hang out have at 'er. It's the unnecessary half-nakedness that I have a problem with.

Finally, I'd like to say that women aren't the only ones at fault with this one. There are plenty of dudes that are missing shirts on Halloween. However, I think that most of them are much cooler with the gross out factor when choosing a costume... instead of the skin factor. As usual, this is only my opinion. If I have offended anyone or taken this topic to lightly I'm willing to reconsider my stance... though that isn't likely.

open (celebrity) letters

I really like to follow celebrity happenings. Everything from the tragic end of John and Kate (plus 8) to the explosion (and then subsequent implosion) of Kanye West. I like the compound names: Bennifer and Speidi and Brangelina... and all the juicy details that cause those names to burst at the seams. What I DON'T like about celebrities is I don't have any forum to tell them what I think. [And as we all know here, sharing my opinion is top priority.] So, I am taking the opportunity to share open letters with all the celebrities that I think could use my guidance... or that just need a piece of my mind. If anyone has any way of actually sharing my words with these celebrities, have at 'er. In fact, if you want to rip off my words and use them as your own I could really give a shit. As long as these folks can hear what I have to say... that is the important part.

Dear Kanye,
Remember how you were just a normal guy rapping in Chicago before Jay-Z discovered you? Yeah, try going back to being that guy. This new guy sucks.
Love,
Jessa

Dear Heidi Montag,
You love Jesus. Do you think Jesus loves your spread in Playboy or your fake boobs?
Love,
Jessa

Dear Jessica Simpson,
It's too bad you're unlucky in love. It's too bad a coyote ate your dog. It's too bad you surround yourself with other drama queens. It's also too bad that you've never had to actualy use your head for anything other than to try out new hairstyles. However, it's time to buck up, buttercup. No one feels sorry for you anymore. You don't need a man, or a dog, or a bunch of drama queens. I suggest picking a look and going with it. And for the record... it isn't high waisted jeans or looking confused.
Love,
Jessa

Dear Mariah,
You're back baby. That's EXACTLY why he's so obsessed with you.
Love,
Jessa

Dear Octo-mom,
You. Are. Nuts. I'm sorry your dream to end up like Kate Gosselin didn't work out for you. Though, at this point who really wants to be like her anyway? Please, do your children a favor and try to keep some nannies around. I get nervous with your lips getting bigger and all. You're going to scare the babies.
Love,
Jessa

Dear Everyone on The Hills,
Fakest. Reality show. Ever. Stop. Just, stop.
Love,
Jessa
cc: Keeping Up With the Kardashians

Dear Ashlee Simpson-Wentz,
Please stop ruining Melrose for everyone. We're really trying to like it here.
Love,
Jessa

I see this being a regular segment on my blog. Celebrities are doing dumb stuff all the time. I can't wait to point out each and every big and small shortcoming of all the most popular folks. I mean, I haven't even *started* a letter to Lindsay Lohan... wow, that will be a good one. If you have a celebrity suggestion throw it in the comments box. I'll do my research and give them a piece of my mind.

the summer of jessa

The summer of 2009 has been quite a memorable one for me. In fact, the super-awesome-fun-time is what inspired me to start this blog. I figured that allowing folks to live vicariously through me (via this blog) was a favor for the whole world... or something.

The summer started out innocently enough. BAZ's wedding on Memorial Day weekend. Great to start the summer out by seeing some of my favorite LU peeps. There was delicious food, intoxicating beverages and SHOOOOOOTS! Other highlights include the Capitol Green and Kiana hating the shots guy from the night before, during a ride in the elevator. BAZ was a lovely bride. Brian, you're a lucky man to marry my friend. Because then it means you get to be friends with me too. What a trip, eh?

I followed that up with one of my more unique adventures of the summer... participating in the 95.9 Kiss FM Bachelor contest. I totally entered on a whim. Threw my hat in the ring without thinking I would EVER be selected. I was just myself. All I could be. It was between me and "Becki". Yeah, with an i. There were online bios and radio interviews. I was brilliant in some and dreadful in others. I had everyone I knew voting for me... including some dudes from Ireland.

So, I won. I won the date with Kyle the bachelor. I was totally stoked. If nothing else I was getting a free meal at the Melting Pot and got to meet Doug and Mary (the morning show hosts). Check out how much fun we had. There are more photos and a video... go ahead and watch using the link below... I'll wait. P.S. don't mind Mary's camera work.

More Photos

Video Confessional

He was totally into me, right? Wrong. Without going into detail we'll just say I did everything right and he did everything wrong. Obvi. Luckily I had the TRats tickets in my possession. Kyle, if you're reading this, Carla and I had a fantastic time watching Dave Bush warm up about 5' in front of us. Thanks for being a total tool. Moving on...

Two words... Carolina Liar! I saw 'em on a boat in Green Bay. Well, I saw Chad and Rickard from Carolina Liar. There's like four other dudes in the band. But those two are HOT... and even hotter when they are playing your favorite songs. We enjoyed a boat ride in the bay and down the Fox River. Thanks Foxy Lady II crew and 101.1 radio station (yeah, another radio station promo)... You host a great party. After the acoustic set was done we got to meet the boys and get their autographs. Ok, so maybe Megan and I went back for seconds, but hey... they are famous hotties in band, what did they expect?? Lookit, we're in love...

My summer had a lot of baseball games peppered in. From opening day at the TRats with our winter gear on, to helping the Brewers avoid a sweep by the Cubs at their last meeting at Miller Park. Didn't you see me on the field? Actually, I won the tickets to go to that game from my favorite Brewer blogger Miller Park Drunk. He's funny and drunk. He also doesn't like meeting people that like him. Apparently we've found our first blogger that doesn't appreciate fans or positive attention.

A highlight of the baseball summer had to be the TRats dollar beer night. There were memorable moments... from Bethy cheering me on to find a new shortcut out of the back parking lot ["Do it! Do it! Do it!" rings in my head]...to being a half of a human hamburger. Yep. Human hamburger. It was a race... against my brother.... he cheated.......... i lost. To be honest, I was the one that got all of us into it. Talking to strangers. Thanks to Bethy, Foth, and Josh for humoring me. Megan! Where's that video?! Well, here's a pic to give you an idea for now.

Here's something relatively new... I like to run! Yes, your friend, Jessa, has picked up the running habit. I trained for the Fox Cities Half marathon [my first] and am quite proud of myself for finishing. I got a shiny medal. Lots to learn though. More races to come. There might be some swimming involved. gulp.

The end of summer is always a sad time for me because it means that winter is right around the corner. But making the transition into the fall a little easier was the nuptials of my dear roomie... Kayyyytttteeeee! Kayte and Dan got hitched in Duluth, Minnesota, which, if I may say, is a LoVeLy place. Absolutely took my breath away. [I bet it ain't so pretty in mid-January... waist deep in snow.] Julie was a fantastic date. We tore it up on the dance floor. Kiana and Chad stopped by on their way to Europe.

Shout out to Julie for securing a room with a door directly connecting us to the pool. I don't know how lucky our neighbors were, however. Before we even left the hotel room for the wedding I had decided I was jumping in the pool afterwords... with my dress on. Later, after experiencing the "club" in downtown Duluth for a bit, we decided to turn in for the night. Someone held the door connected to the pool open, so I could run straight through our room and into the pool. It. Was. Awesome. As we were being asked to leave the pool area and go to bed Chad decided to try out a CANNON BALL! into the hot tub. It was probably the funniest thing that happened all weekend. Loved it.

As you can see, the summer was filled with more fun than most people can handle. I just want you to know no one was injured in the preceding stories... well, not seriously anyway. I like to think that fun is something I'm pretty good at. I live life. I love life. I figure if I'm going to do something I'm going to have fun doing it. Hopefully that's how my friends see what it is I'm trying to do here.