slut-o-ween

Yeah, I bet you have guessed this is the part where I rant about the dumb bitches that use Halloween as an excuse to dress like complete whores. I mean, there were SO many chicks last night that were essentially wearing their unmentionables like it was totally acceptable. Call me old fashioned, or crotchety, but don't ever call me if you are wearing one of these get ups. What ever happened to scary costumes? You know, how Halloween used to be a holiday about ghosts and zombies and scaring people. Last night the only thing that scared me is "Naughty Nurse" or "Scantily Clad Bumblebee" having something pop out and hit me in the face.

The young ladies choosing to dress this way aren't the only ones to blame. Our over sexed society has made these costumes totally acceptable. The temporary Halloween stores have aisles and aisles of costumes for women that are nothing more than over priced underwear. And when I say overpriced I mean o-v-e-r priced. But that's a rant for another time.

I'm not saying that having a sexy costume is unacceptable for Halloween, but if the thing you are being isn't sexy in real life then why should it become sexy just for Halloween? I mean if you want to dress as Lady Gaga she's dripping with sex appeal so you have yourself a sexy costume. If you are creative enough to come up with a costume character that let's your boobs hang out have at 'er. It's the unnecessary half-nakedness that I have a problem with.

Finally, I'd like to say that women aren't the only ones at fault with this one. There are plenty of dudes that are missing shirts on Halloween. However, I think that most of them are much cooler with the gross out factor when choosing a costume... instead of the skin factor. As usual, this is only my opinion. If I have offended anyone or taken this topic to lightly I'm willing to reconsider my stance... though that isn't likely.

open (celebrity) letters

I really like to follow celebrity happenings. Everything from the tragic end of John and Kate (plus 8) to the explosion (and then subsequent implosion) of Kanye West. I like the compound names: Bennifer and Speidi and Brangelina... and all the juicy details that cause those names to burst at the seams. What I DON'T like about celebrities is I don't have any forum to tell them what I think. [And as we all know here, sharing my opinion is top priority.] So, I am taking the opportunity to share open letters with all the celebrities that I think could use my guidance... or that just need a piece of my mind. If anyone has any way of actually sharing my words with these celebrities, have at 'er. In fact, if you want to rip off my words and use them as your own I could really give a shit. As long as these folks can hear what I have to say... that is the important part.

Dear Kanye,
Remember how you were just a normal guy rapping in Chicago before Jay-Z discovered you? Yeah, try going back to being that guy. This new guy sucks.
Love,
Jessa

Dear Heidi Montag,
You love Jesus. Do you think Jesus loves your spread in Playboy or your fake boobs?
Love,
Jessa

Dear Jessica Simpson,
It's too bad you're unlucky in love. It's too bad a coyote ate your dog. It's too bad you surround yourself with other drama queens. It's also too bad that you've never had to actualy use your head for anything other than to try out new hairstyles. However, it's time to buck up, buttercup. No one feels sorry for you anymore. You don't need a man, or a dog, or a bunch of drama queens. I suggest picking a look and going with it. And for the record... it isn't high waisted jeans or looking confused.
Love,
Jessa

Dear Mariah,
You're back baby. That's EXACTLY why he's so obsessed with you.
Love,
Jessa

Dear Octo-mom,
You. Are. Nuts. I'm sorry your dream to end up like Kate Gosselin didn't work out for you. Though, at this point who really wants to be like her anyway? Please, do your children a favor and try to keep some nannies around. I get nervous with your lips getting bigger and all. You're going to scare the babies.
Love,
Jessa

Dear Everyone on The Hills,
Fakest. Reality show. Ever. Stop. Just, stop.
Love,
Jessa
cc: Keeping Up With the Kardashians

Dear Ashlee Simpson-Wentz,
Please stop ruining Melrose for everyone. We're really trying to like it here.
Love,
Jessa

I see this being a regular segment on my blog. Celebrities are doing dumb stuff all the time. I can't wait to point out each and every big and small shortcoming of all the most popular folks. I mean, I haven't even *started* a letter to Lindsay Lohan... wow, that will be a good one. If you have a celebrity suggestion throw it in the comments box. I'll do my research and give them a piece of my mind.

prologue

So, I might be one of the last people on Earth to create a blog, and maybe one of the first that should have had one. I mean, I have so many opinions and am definitely lacking space to keep them all organized. Sharing them here not only clears room for the new stuff I'm (supposedly) learning everyday, but I also get my opinion out into the WORLD WIDE WEB. Like, seriously, WIDE.

This space will probably be the closest unobstructed look into my head that anyone has ever really had. There's a good chance that this could just turn into a stream of consciousness, but if that happens then you can always change the channel. Most important to remember, I will type the way I talk. If you don't like made up words, swearing, or a bunch of these "..." then don't even bother reading any further.

Inspiration will hit at any moment - I hope. If you would like to see my comical take on your own personal opinion gimme a shout and I will yuk it up... or is that muck it up? Either way, I have an opinion and now a place to share it.